So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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