Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
