Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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