I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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