I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
