At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
