Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
