dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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