I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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