he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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