remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He? As in you personified your dick?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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