Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
