I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
