I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
