i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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