Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He better not be in your backpack
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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