At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
