I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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