And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
