So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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