Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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