You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
