She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
