I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
