I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
