you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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