I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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