She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
