in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
