He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
