I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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