Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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