its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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