who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
