You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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