the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
