i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
