this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
