I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
