She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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