I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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