I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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