my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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