If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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