it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
