They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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