Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
