walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
