been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
