I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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