Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im about as happy as oj after his trial
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
