ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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