Do you still have your period?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
His nipple licking is glorious
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