Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
