Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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