peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
