Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
