What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
