How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
